Looking in the mirror, I saw someone, but who was it? What did I see looking back at me? I convinced myself I saw a confident woman, secure, well dressed, happy, full of joy and love. How many times did I look into the mirror, see myself perfect? In my dreams, I could see myself anyway I wanted to. However, in reality, I was 357pounds and massively obese. I wore a size 28-32 and shopping for me had become depressing. My health was deteriorating, and I had high blood pressure, sleeping disorder, and borderline diabetic
If you do not mind, I would like to take you on my journey on how I got healthy without meds. I know so many of us can understand the struggles of losing weight and staying healthy. Being healthy is a lifestyle, not a crash diet. However, I had tried everything I thought would work. Crash diets I did it! Low Carbs did that! Weight programs did that as well. Nothing seems to get me to a healthy way of living. I was discouraged at the point, I stopped taken my obesity seriously. I was still eating whatever I wanted too I was in a car accident, I received four injuries. I had hairline fractures in my knees and pelvic bone, shoulder impingement, lower and upper back injury. I had to see a specialist for my shoulder; I lost 7% of my shoulder uses and was concerning surgery.
The very first moment the specialist met me, his first words were "you might as well not even consider having surgery because you're massively obese." I replied, "what, what do you mean by that?" He replied, "You're too fat and unhealthy." even after that, I did not understand how serious I needed to lose weight. I was distraught and furious at what my doctor said to me. I began to get depressed. I was sad for about three months. Then I began to pray about a solution for my state of mind and wellbeing. Through prayer I began to gain an awareness I did not have before.
I started to notice I was the largest woman everywhere I went. At church, supermarket, Malls, in my workplace, and at family and friends gatherings. My turning point hit me in my heart when I took my son to his first orientation for kindergarten. There had to be at least twenty parents with their child; however, by far I was the largest parent. At that moment, I realized I needed to do something about my weight because my children deserved to have a healthy mom. It was the most humbling experience I had in many years. I had to dig deep within myself to find the strength to face the woman was looking back to me.
Being 357 pounds limited my physical abilities who I interact with my children. I was so blinded by my created truth I; could not see how my limitation and obesity effected my children. Get on rides at the amusement parks, rollers skating, and long family walks. All my sons played sports. Their father and I would take them to the park to practice before their basketball or football games. I remember trying to shoot hoops with them I didn't last two minutes. I know they wanted me to play with them. Finally I had to face my reality. However, before I could do anything, I had to face the pain within me causing me to eat for comfort. Fatherless abandonment! There is a saying "you never miss what you never had" that is not true in my case. I had been suffering on the inside from childhood to adulthood. Never finding a way to address my pain. Now here I am at 45 years old having to deal with the monster within. I was terrified of the unknown. Fatherless abandonment had caused me to suffer with anxiety for years.
If I was five minutes late picking up my children from school my heart would start to beat fast and hard filled with anxiety. I would image my children scared and afraid I forgotten about them. My experience of my father having us lined on the couch waiting for him to pick us up but never to arrive. This anxiety was spilling over in my relationships with friends and family.
I was using food to cope with the emptiness and pain. Therefore, before tackling the outside, I had to deal with the inside. I began to pray and seek God for direction and healing. In Psalm 68:5 says, "A father to the fatherless, defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Therefore, that is my faith laid in the hands of God's word.
Through much prayer and fasting for healing and restoration, God delivered me with his healing power. He opens my heart to forgiveness. Forgiveness allowed me to look at my father from a different perspective and value the thing that had imparted to me as a child. I realize God's purpose was more significant than my limited thinking. There were many great gifts and talents deposited into my life because he was my father. I know now that God choices my father and everything my father was not for me, God would be for me. I can honestly say I have a completely different appreciation for my father.
I understand it was for my good he was not a influence in my childhood because he was battling with his own demons. My father fought most of his life with drug, alcoholism, and he was an abuser as well. He could only give me his best, and that is all he had to offer. I did not need meds. Just the faith and power of my savior Jesus Christ!
Now I am ready for God to help me restore the outside. I lost 80 pounds in five months, with God's help. To loss the rest of the weight, I had the Gastric Bypass. I believe that's Gastric Bypass was the tool God used to help me on my weight lose journey. I had to eat 2 ounces of puree foods for six weeks. Two weeks I eat semi-soft foods. The last phase I have to eat solid foods. But only 2 to 3 ounces at a time. Losing 197 pounds. It was one of the hardest challenges I have had to face. It has been spiritual, physically, mentally, and psychologically challenging, but to become healthy and happy within has been worth the long journey. I no longer self-fix with food. There is no possible way I could accomplish being healthy from the inside out without my Savior Jesus.
Food for thought:
When you look in your mirror, what do you see? Start from the inside out, because what is going on the inside might be more important than what you see on the outside. Most of the time the outside will reflect what your missing or need for your interior self.
Eat healthily, think healthy and be healthy. Understand we all have to make decisions every day of our lives. The goal is to make the best ones for the healthiest life. Even though our journeys are different God only has one outcome for us all. Live a abundance and prosperous life.
God’s love DHJ