Updated: Feb 12, 2021
I was asked a question this week, "how did you arrive at a place of not letting other people define you or your not so good decisions weigh you down with guilt?" I'm sure I reworded the question some; however, basically, it's what they asked me.
As I've sat and thought long and hard about this question, I felt like the answer was in my self -worth and self - esteem. I have discovered several things that took place in my life to become a better and healthier me.
So I'm going to share a little about my journey in discovering and learning I had to manage my self-worth.
Many years ago, consumed with what people thought of me. I was overly concerned with being accepted by people and family members. My insecurity was on an all-time high, where if I saw two people talking together in my head, I was sure they were talking about me. I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I stayed in relationships that didn't appreciate me; however, they just tolerated me. Anytime friends or co-workers said they needed to talk to me, I assumed it was something negative, or I had done something wrong even though I knew I hadn't done anything wrong.
I'm sharing this story because I believe it's essential for people to understand when you don't know who they are and their value, you will allow yourself to be subject to chaos and abuse. I would sabotage jobs, friendship, ministry, and many things I would start and I wouldn't finish. I would talk myself right out of finishing what I started. I would tell myself that the job wasn't meant for me. No matter if it was going back to school, start my business, and even volunteering at my children's school, or I would say, it was the wrong time for me. I just made up excuses to fail. My low- self-esteem and lack of self-worth were so unhealthy I didn't have faith in my own decisions. I second guess every decision I made.
If any of this sounds familiar to you, don't be discouraged because there's still hope for your future.
So what did I do to find my self-worth and to build up my self - esteem.
First, I prayed and talk to God about ALL the things I was feeling and doing to myself. I ask Him for strength and courage. I needed God's help to find myself and believe in myself. I knew so far I hadn't been successful without God's guidance and love.
Secondly, I released and forgave people and family members who felt they did me wrong. It's important to forgive people because unforgiveness is like a rope around your wrist, and you drag everybody along with you. There's no freedom in captivity.
The last but most crucial step I took was to change the way I talk to myself. When I began to speak to myself differently, I began to see myself differently. I know this may not make sense to you, So let me help you understand. When I discovered as I was processing how to fix the way I saw myself. I realized I saw myself from a hostile place of self-talks. I spent a lot of time telling myself negative things about myself, so I believed other people viewed me the same way. I had to manage my self-worth always, which means to change my negative thoughts about myself to positive thoughts.
Instead of believing I wasn't smart of often to finish school. I changed my thoughts to this may be a challenge, but I will finish if I work hard. I deserve it, and I
was made for it. I know this may sound so simple. See, I realized that the only person could make me a better me were God and myself. And I had to participate in my healing process. In a nutshell, I had to do the work, and God would give me the strength and wisdom I needed to change how I saw myself. See, you have to get to a place of being ok with how you are without needing people or things to validate you.
You may be wondering why do I say you have to manage your self-worth. Here's why after many years of embarrassing the new healthy me, I found myself in a few situations that I look back on, and I ask myself, how did you allow yourself to be in those relationships or situations. I realize I stop seeing myself as worthy of something greater. So what did I do? I had to stop and take self-inventory of myself and get back on track. So please understand your self-worth is subject to change as your thinking and perspective of yourself change.
I what to leave you with one word of advice, and that is;
DON'T TAKE YOUR SELF-WORTH FOR GRANTED YOU WORK HARD TO HAVE IT!
LOVE YOURSELF, TREASURE YOURSELF, AND BELEIVE IN YOURSELF BECAUSE GOD DOES.
Self-esteem is what we think and feel, and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing “I am greater than all of those things”. It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth. Self-esteem doesn't last or “work” without self-worth.