Updated: Jun 26
Whatever your situation, at this point, let me encourage you to focus on this phrase: There is life after a divorce. Divorce does not equal failure. At first, you may experience tough times. However, with help, you can start to move forward. It can be unsettling after spending many years with someone you thought you would be with for a lifetime. You have shared some good times and hard times. As well as intimate moments, and of course, you still have feelings for your ex-spouse. Maybe even children together. In many cases, still has feelings involved and perhaps with children in between, the most likely thing is that you feel anguish, pain, and above all else, the fear of uncertainty.
What Will Happen From Now On?
Many people, both men, and women feel like a failure when their marriage breaks down. They lived with the belief that starting a family was part of their self-realization, and now that everything is over, they feel that they have done something wrong and that they are no longer worth anything. Let me be the first to tell you there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not a failure.
Divorce is the result of a series of behaviors and decisions made by two people. It is likely that if the behaviors and habits were different, the result would have been different. Things are not to measure good or bad as success or failure but as lack of knowledge. In this case, undoubtedly, many of the decisions you made were based on learning to do better, and you desired to maintain a good and healthy relationship. However, without knowing how to change the behaviors, it's almost impossible to get the results you hoped to achieve.
Responsibility and Forgiveness
In any case, there is no use blaming yourself now and not even blaming the other person. We have to be responsible for our actions and learn to forgive ourselves and others. Forgiveness is mainly for you so you can regain peace in your life. The other person will have to manage their own emotions and move on with their life. Just take care to regain your self-esteem, and remember that forgiveness will help to heal you.
It is OK to Grieve
After a time of mourning (as if it was a loss), you should allow yourself to cry and vent. It may take some time to discover your identity again. During the healing time, your life will be affected, including work, relationships with friends, and even your family. You may have changed residence, and if there are children, they may no longer live with you. All this can generate a lot of stress and emotional discomfort. However, look for another way of seeing things. For many people, a period of significant personal development begins after a divorce.
Start From Scratch
You have a chance to start all over again, and this has its advantages. After what you have been through, it is time to assess what you have learned from the experience. You can only fix yourself if you confess your part in the breakup and try to be a better person for yourself, your kids, and possibly the next partner. Perhaps now you need to lean on your friends and your family, to whom you did not spend too much time before. You might want to reach out to friends and family for support because people in common with your ex-partner may distance themselves or prefer to stay on the sidelines. Now you can take on hobbies or projects that you put aside when you focus all your family's attention.
If you have children and if they with the other parent, unfortunately, you will see them less than before, make sure that the moments together are meaningful for both of you. Remember that the important thing is not the quantity but the quality of your time with them. In addition, you mustn't let the relationship with the other partner spoil the relationship with your children because you are still the parent.
Mostly remember they as well are experiencing the divorce and lives were turned upside down. Be sure they will receive healing in due time. Not being exposed to the family dysfunction, I'm sure it will be helpful for everyone.
Open Up Again To Love
Finally, do not close off yourself to love. Life after divorce doesn't mean you can't love again, or it does not mean you can't try again. You can meet someone else more compatible. So, be open to that. Take the time you need to close your wound, forgive yourself, and change the mindset that the marriage failed, not you. If you need help with life after a divorce, click here.