Updated: Jan 15
Healing from the inside out, God’s my medicine.
My teacher, guide, and strength!
Have you ever found yourself lost, not knowing where you fit in the place we call church? Well, can I be transparent? I have. Many years ago, when I first got saved and didn't know anything about being saved, salvation, or the word of God. I did not grow up in the church. However, I do remember going to church in my early childhood. I honestly relayed on the preacher to teach me about the things of Christ. Please know at this time, I had no idea I was called or chosen by God to serve Him.
What I do know I was in search for something different in my life. I'm sure many of you can relate to being in a room filled with friends and family, but somehow, you still feel all alone. That's where I was in my life just before I got saved. When I think about it know. I can remember the first several months; my life filled with joy, happiness, and new friends.
They even began to call themselves my church family. However, as time passed, people no longer noticed me like they did when I first arrived at church. It's almost like I faded away into the shadows. But yet I still needed their fellowship and to be disciplined. Let me be clear they were pleasant and kind people.
Everyone spoke to me in passing, answered any questions I needed answering. However, somehow I lost my connection with the people. I don't think it was intentional—people were busy with what they call God's business or Kingdom business. I'm not sure if they thought I understand what God expected from me as a new Christian. But, here's the crazy thing I had no clue after being in church for many months faithfully and never missing a Sunday service or bible study. Nor did I ever share it with anyone. I continue to go to church every week because, most of the time, I felt better than I did before I arrived.
But during the week, I was struggling with myself. There were days I asked God, are you sure you want me to serve you? Are you sure you've called the right person to salvation? I felt like I couldn't get it right. I was working so hard on changing my life. But I continued to fall into the same situation. Then one day, I was sitting in my living room in front of my stereo listing to worship music and praising God.
Then all of a sudden, I felt a peaceful presence resting over me. I remember holding myself tightly, wrapping my arms around me, trying to embrace the beautiful moment I was feeling. It felt like I lifted into the glory of God. It was a feeling I had never felt before, and I didn't want it to end. I could have stayed there all day long. After a few minutes of beginning in God's presence, I began to speak in tongues as I was praising God.
I remember I couldn't wait to go to church on Sunday to share my experience. Later after sharing my experience during testimony service. People celebrated with me, saying I was filled with God's Holy Spirit. It all made sense to me.
Because after my visitation from God, I felt that something had shifted within me. I couldn't put it into words; I just felt different in a good way. I thought I had been filled with the Hol Spirit. The only way I can explain it. Somehow, it was like a baby attached to its mother's umbilical cord. The Holy Spirit was the provision I needed. I know the Holy Spirit would be available to me on my new journey in Christ because God Spirit was living in me. He would guide and teach me everything I needed to know about my Father.
All the things I was battle with, I no longer had to face those things by myself. It's so strange because after being filled with the Holt Spirit, I never felt alone anymore. Thirty years later, I can truly say I've never felt alone again. Even when I walked away, He was still with me. He was guiding me right back to Him.
John 14:26 (NIV)
But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
Romans 8:26 (NIV)
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
Food for thought:
If you find yourself in a place where you feel disconnected in the church or are missing something, please know it's not the people you yearn for; it is the Holy Spirit you need. I hope you understand building a new relationship with the body of Christ can be a fantastic gift to your life. However, If it doesn't happen that way for you, don't be discouraged, God will always be there for you.
Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV)
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
Side note: After writing this blog, I was thinking about what the Holy Spirit is to me. I ended my thoughts with He been a good friend. Wow!